Your Heart Is Where My Home Is
by triggersaurus
Summary: DR/CH - Carol returns to Chicago to collect the twins after Such Sweet Sorrow, but something terrible happens


Title: Your Heart Is Where My Home Is  
Author: Triggersaurus  
Genre: DR/CH  
Spoilers: Such Sweet Sorrow  
Rating: U  
Summary: Carol flies back to Chicago to collect the twins and tidy up loose ends, but something terrible happens  
Author's Note: Pretty much the clear winner of the poll on my site, although I am now looking for the next fic to write, so keep voting! This is a stand-alone. Although I do have ideas for how it could continue, I don't plan on using them unless someone can convince me otherwise!  
  
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Carol felt like she was riding on the crest of an enormous wave, a wave that a surfer would be proud of. As she sat in her seat on the plane back to Chicago, she gazed out of the window so much happier for what she had done. She felt complete again, the empty, vacuous space inside her that had existed since Doug left now gone. She couldn't believe it, thinking back to when she had come around the corner of this huge house on the lake and seen him there, at the end of the dock. Hardly changed, a slight beard maybe, but he was Doug and he'd wanted her back as much as she had wanted him. And now all that remained was for the girls to join them out in Seattle.   
  
Suddenly thinking of her responsibilities, she hoped they had behaved during their time with their doting grandmother. Or at least behaved as much as a couple of 6 month olds could. She couldn't believe it - Doug would get to see them take their first steps, say their first words after all. It didn't matter that he'd missed those first few months, Carol thought happily. The first months weren't that exciting.   
  
Hearing a screaming baby from somewhere at the rear of the plane, she hoped the twins would be good travellers on the flight back. She wasn't crazy about engineering the whole flight experience herself with two infants, and Doug would have come had he not had to work. Maybe that was for the best - she had to go and explain herself at County, possibly file for transfer, and after all that she had to deal with her mother - that was probably going to be the most formidable task of the lot. Right now she preferred not to think about it, instead settling on the vision of being home with Doug tomorrow night.  
  
The plane landed at 12.30pm and Carol rushed to get a cab to her house. She had many more things to do than time to do them all in, and so maximising her time was essential. Hopping into a cab, she used the back of her boarding pass to make a quick note of something else she had just thought of - putting her house up for rent. Well, she was just a little too attached to feel like she could sell it yet. And maybe someday they would come back this way for a visit.   
  
Pulling up outside the house, she paid the driver and went up the porch steps, opening the front door with the key. As she stood in her hallway, she couldn't believe that she had been there only two days ago and yet now she looked on the house in a new light. So much had changed in such a short space of time. This house had once been a place of loneliness, and she could almost feel it eak the depression from the walls. But on cloud nine she was untouchable, and she ran up the stairs to the twin's nursery to pack the few neccessary items. Doug had insisted that she should not worry about transporting everything in one go, that he would arrange a removal company to ship her stuff in the future. He also insisted that she let him buy new items for the twins - there was already one crib he'd bought shortly after she had faxed him with the news she was pregnant. But after she asked him to stay where he was, the crib had sat in a small room, alone. Now he was promising to stop at a furniture store when he finished work to collect a second one.   
  
In the nursery, Carol gathered together toys, blankets, clothes and changing mats and piled everything into a suitcase. Satisifed with what she had for the twins, she packed herself a smaller case with clothes, shoes, papers and whatever personal items she had room for. She took both cases downstairs and put them in the lounge area, going into the kitchen to make some coffee for a quick break out of her busy day. She sat on her couch and looked around. She hadn't ever considered leaving Chicago like this before. After all, it was home wasn't it? But no, she thought. Now home meant being with Doug.   
  
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Doug arrived on the first plane into Chicago that morning. Jumping into a cab, and paying the driver an extra $5 to speed down the open stretches of road, he eventually reached County at 7.25am. Running into the hospital via the main entrance, he took an elevator straight up to the fifth floor and jogged to the nurses' station there. "Carol Hathaway?" He enquired, slightly puffed from the spurt of exercise.  
"And you are?" The nurse fired back, looking through her list of patients.  
"Doug Ross...I'm her partner."  
"She's in the ICU. I'm afraid you can't visit for another few hours sir, but her doctor will be in shortly if you'd like to speak with him."   
Wearing an expression of extreme frustration, Doug stared at the nurse and broke the gaze to look at his watch. 7.30. Visiting hours, according to the sign, weren't until 10. But he had to see her. He had to know what was wrong.  
"Look..." Doug decided a little charm couldn't go amiss, "I used to work here, I'm a doctor. I was in the ER. Please. Carol's a nurse here too. I just want to know that she's going to be okay."  
The nurse was impassive. "I'm sorry, doctor. You'll have to wait. Dr. Phelps will be doing rounds at 8, and can talk to you at 8.30."  
Staring into the unit through the windows around it, Doug couldn't recognise any of the heavily banaged, mechanically supported bodies as Carol. He turned back to the nurse.  
"She had two baby girls with her at the time. Where are they?"  
"I don't know I'm afraid. You might want to try the Peds ward, or the ER. I hear they've had a busy night."  
"Okay. Thanks. 8.30, Dr. Phelps, right?"  
"Yes."  
Taking one last glance around the ICU, he made for the elevators again, going back down to first to the ER. Someone there could tell him where his daughters were. Kerry said they were hurt on the phone but he'd not noticed - she had mentioned it after saying "Carol's been in an accident." After that one line, Doug had blanked everything else but thoughts of Carol. Now he felt callous and un-caring - his daughters were alone and possibly in pain somewhere. Stepping out of the elevator into the ER, narrowly avoiding a speeding gurney that took his place, he ignored the stares of the few people who knew him.  
"Hey, Dr. Ross!" Randi called after him down the hallway, as he continued towards the admit desk, where he could see the subtle red head of Kerry by the board.  
"Kerry. Where are the girls?"  
"Doug. Have you seen Carol? They're on Three, Kate's in the OR and Tess is on the ward - "  
"What happened to them? Are they alright?"  
"Kate's in worse shape than Tess, Doug. Come on, sit down." She gestured to him to sit on a stool, which he did, perching on the very edge while she talked, his arms folded across his chest tightly, impatiently.  
"Carol's car was hit by a truck at speed, and it was crushed against the wall just outside the ambulance bay. Kate and Carol were on the side that got hit, Tess was on the far side and only had lacerations and mild concussion. Kate took some impact and her scafoid and right arm were crushed. They're in surgery now, putting in metal rods to hold her arm together, and a plate in for the shoulder. Carol took a lot of force from the truck, Doug, and her pelvis is shattered. Her right shoulder was dislocated, and she had some internal bleeding around the liver. She was in surgery for two hours to repair the bleeding, but they had to pull out because her stats dropped. Right now she's in a coma in the ICU. Doug, I'm so sorry."   
His chin rested against his chest.  
"I'm not allowed to see her until 10, they said."  
"Visiting hours apply. I'll see if I can help, but I think you have to stick to them up there."  
"Did you take care of the twins?"  
"No. Dr. Kovac and Dr. Chen were working on them. You know Dr. Chen, she was here as a med student for a year. Dr. Kovac is an attending. He's a great doctor, Doug. The twins -"   
"Doug? Has something happened?"  
Mark Greene, starting his day shift, came into the admit area with his coat and bag still on, looking concerned.  
Kerry answered for him.  
"Carol and the girls were in an accident, Mark." She said it quietly. Mark's eyes widened in shock.  
"Are they okay?"  
"Not really. The twins are on the peds ward, Carol's in the ICU."  
"How did it happen??"  
"Car wreck, Kerry tells me." Doug looked up at Mark from his seated position. Kerry tapped him on the arm.   
"Doug, go see your girls. I'll call up and tell them you're on your way."  
"Thanks Kerry. I'll let you know, what happens."  
  
  
Rushing onto the ward in a new burst of fear-fuelled adrenaline, Doug stopped long enough to glance at the bed list. Kate was allocated a crib next to her twin sister, but was still in surgery according to the notes at the desk. Tess was in Crib 5, and as Doug made a fast paced walk down the ward, he saw a nurse by the bed trying to quieten the screaming baby inside. His approach slowed, and he came up next to the crib with a quick glance at the nurse before looking down inside onto the wailing, red infant. Even in her obvious fury, the child looked like Carol.   
"Can I help you, sir?"  
Above the noise, Doug identified himself as the baby's father.  
"Maybe you know some way of calming her down then? She doesn't seem to be hungry, and I changed her only an hour ago."  
"I..let me see...uhg," he grunted, as he lifted his daughter from her bed. The instant rapport he'd been hoping for didn't happen, as Tess writhed and screamed some more in his arms. For a moment he couldn't believe he had spawned anything this noisy. But, remembering a story from Mark about when Rachel was first born, he held her tight and nodded to the nurse.  
"Can I take her into the corridor? Pacing is meant to help."  
"You can try, as long as my supervisor doesn't find out."  
"That's okay. Who's your supervisor? I used to work here - just say Doug Ross stopped by."  
"Uhm, okay."  
He walked down the ward, Tess still red in the face and yelling. Jiggling her up and down as he walked, and some more as he began pacing up and down the hallway outside, he wondered how many nights Carol had done this alone. How many times he could have been there to help. He felt that maybe he'd read the message wrong when Carol had asked him not to fly out when she realised she was pregnant. If he'd come then, he could have been there when they were born, and for their first six months, to see their first smiles. He deeply regretted missing it. But now he was going to be there, and he wasn't going to miss another moment in their lives. Looking down at Tess, now quieter and with two fingers in her mouth, he smiled and stroked the downy hair on her head.  
  
He re-entered the ward with his sleeping daughter as the nurse came up to him to take Tess back.  
"Your other daughter is out of surgery now - she's in recovery. You can go and see her there if you want, or you can wait until they bring her back here in about fifteen minutes."  
"Peds recovery? I'll go there. Thanks again, I'll be back later."   
He took in the time from the wallclock as he half jogged, half ran to the pediatric OR suite at the far end of the floor. Ten minutes before he could catch Carol's doctor. He couldn't take it all in - suddenly he had this family who all depended on him. Entering the suite, he followed signs to the recovery room, and grabbed a surgical face mask and cap as he went in.   
"Excuse me??" Another nurse stood in front of him, blocking his path. "Have you been given permission to come in here?"  
"I'm Dr. Ross, Kate Ross' father. She just came out of surgery."  
"She'll be back on the ward in fifteen minutes, Dr. Ross. You're not meant to be in here."  
Feeling more frustrated, Doug pointed at his sterile headgear and the mask he was about to put on.  
"Not even with these?"  
"No. Please, step out."   
Turning on his spot, he went out of the double doors again, and stood by the window. Thirty seconds later, he watched the pager go off for the nurse and she went out of the doors at the far end of the ward, looking for a phone. Doug saw his opportunity and went back in. Looking quickly at the chart hanging off the end of each bed, he came to one that identified the tiny sleeping body as Katherine Ross (F). The whole of her upper right torso was covered in bandages, and protruding from the thick white material around her arm was a metal frame that held three metal rods in place through her skin. And yet despite the Frankenstein's instruments holding her body together, his baby daughter looked serene and peaceful, like a sleeping angel. Taking a quick glance at her chart - Kerry's diagnoses had been accurate - he ran a finger down one side of her face, rubbing off the splashed iodine, before leaving the room and discarding his protective wear. The race to the ICU was on, as he ran down the hallway to the elevators once again, checking his watch.  
  
Dr. Phelps was signing off a chart at the nurses' station when Doug arrived, slowing to a stop beside him.  
"Dr. Phelps? Dr. Ross, I'm Carol Hathaway's partner."  
Blinking at him through small glasses, the doctor nodded silently and carried on signing. As he completed the final swirl of his very effusive signature, he turned back again to Doug.  
"Miss Hathaway is still in a critical condition I'm afraid. She's stable, which is good news, but her condition is critical. She sustained a large pressure force to her right hand side which put her shoulder out and caused massive fracturing to the right hand side of her pelvis. Her liver was punctured, which caused internal bleeding. Fortunately, we managed to repair most of the liver damage in surgery before her stats   
started to drop. We had hoped to keep her under while we did some work on the pelvis, but the anaesthetist deemed it too risky. I'm afraid that she hasn't come around since then, and she's in a coma. We're hopeful that she will pull out of it within 24 hours, but after that we cannot hope for too much."  
Doug blinked, trying to absorb all of this information about the woman who had only three days ago turned up unexpectedly on his doorstep and claimed her place in his heart for good.  
"What's her GCS?"  
"3"  
Doug nodded slowly.  
"Did she ever...was she conscious at any point after the accident?"  
"I believe that she was alert for a short time in the ER. I am told she has two children who were injured as well."  
"Yeah. They're on peds. Can I see her?"  
"You can see her for five minutes now if you are accompanied by a nurse. Other than that I'm afraid you'll have to wait until visiting hours. Send Kerry Weaver my regards," he smiled knowingly as he left.  
Doug took the proffered gown that the nurse handed to him, and tied on another facemask before following her into the ICU. She lead him to a bed at the far end of the unit, where Carol lay. She wore a standard hospital gown, but it was barely visible, so obscured was her body by the loose cast that held her in place. Her right arm was strapped to her side and covered with black bruises. On the pillow, her hair fanned outwards, as if someone had arranged it like that, but in the middle her head was cut and bruised, and a long gash ran down her right cheek. Doug sank into a seat next to her bed and took hold of her left hand, pressing it into his own palm and holding it there with the other. He was suffused with guilt as he sat next to her damaged body. He could have taken the time off work. He shouldn't have let her fly back by herself. If he'd been with her, this would never have happened. Now his children lay in hospital beds and she may have been damaged beyond help. All because of him. Again.  
  
"Dr. Ross...I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. You can come back at 10..."  
Startled by this verbal intrusion, Doug flicked his eyes at the nurse and nodded submissively. He stood up, still holding onto Carol's hand, and placed it gently back on the bed at her side. He left the ward, disposing the gown and mask, and wandered aimlessly, eyes on the floor, down the hallway. He was halfway down before he nearly walked straight into Mark, who was on his way up to check on Carol.  
"Doug! How is she?"   
Doug dropped his head to one side. "Critical but stable they say. She's a mess. Shattered pelvis, lacs, internal bleeding, coma..."  
"Doug, I don't know what to say. They let you see her?"  
"Yeah, couple of minutes. She's all bruised, her face is cut and she's strapped up in some sort of immobilisation device."  
Mark looked at the ICU, a glassy shine in at the end of the corridor. Looking back at Doug, he asked, "The girls?"  
"Yeah, I saw them. Tess was screaming murder but she's fine. Kate had just come out of surgery - she's got all these bits of metal holding her right arm and shoulder together but she's beautiful."  
"I know. Look, what are you doing now?"  
"I don't know. Probably go back down to the peds ward."  
"Take a break, come down to Docs with me in a couple of minutes."  
"I don't know, Mark. I'm not really hungry."  
"I'm not your mother, I won't force you to eat. C'mon."  
Doug grunted an affirmative response and followed Mark back down to the ICU. He stood outside as he watched Mark go in and stand around Carol's bed, talking to the nurse as he made his own assessment of her. It was some minutes before he returned and they made their way back through the winding hospital, eventually passing through the ER and out to Doc Magoo's.  
"Couple of coffees, please."  
"It's okay, Mark. I don't want anything."  
"Doug, you've had a shock, you need to drink something."  
"Can't I get a tequila shot then?"  
They slipped into a booth and Doug picked up the salt shaker, tipping some onto his hand. He toyed with the grains, pushing them off his hand onto the shiny tabletop and making small piles of salt there.  
"That's bad luck you know."  
"Huh?"  
"Spilt salt - it's bad luck. You're meant to throw some over your shoulder or something when you spill salt."  
"I'll pass. I don't think things could get much worse anyway."  
Mark sighed, realising he'd just stuck his foot a little too far into his mouth. Seeing two coffees appear on the counter, he shuffled out to go and get them. Brushing the salt off the table, Doug let his head rest on his arms, leaning against the warm surface.  
"Here." Mark slid back into his seat, pushing a cup of coffee towards Doug, who sat up straight.  
"Thanks..." he took a sip and grimaced, "this stuff's meant to help me?"  
"Sure. Put some more sugar in, maybe it can drown the taste."  
They sat and drank, watching the world go by out of the window, their minds clearly elsewhere.  
"She went to find you, huh?" Mark finally broke the silence.  
"Yeah."  
"She just ran out of the hospital on Tuesday, saying she had to catch a plane...I didn't put two and two together until she didn't show up for her shift on Wednesday and I saw her mom leave with the twins."  
Doug nodded, swirling the dregs of the coffee around in the cup.  
"Thanks for looking out for the girls, and Carol. I'm sorry I wasn't here."  
"Don't worry about it. The important thing is that you're here now. Let's go see your kids, huh?"  
Doug nodded again, and they left the diner.  
  
  
That night, unable to sleep in the on-call room he was offered, Doug sloped up to the Peds ward and watched Kate sleeping. She had been awake earlier in the day, and in between scans, x-rays, more tests and bandages, he had been able to hold her for the first time. She was happy in his arms, although Doug suspected it was because he was the first person that day not to be prodding and poking her where it hurt. Looking down at her asleep now, he felt a rush of happiness for the first time in 24 hours. A gurgling of another child in the opposite bed distracted him for a moment and he turned around to see what the problem was - there was a stuffed bear on the floor, and the infant was stood up in his crib, hanging over the railings in the belief that his short arms would be able to reach his toy. Picking it up for him, Doug passed it back and patted the kid on the head. 'At least he didn't start yelling,' Doug thought. Instead though, it seemed that this minor moment of action on the silent ward had woken at least three other children, who wriggled, murmured or flipped over.   
  
Waiting for them to settle, Doug went over to Tess' crib. To his surprise, he looked inside to find two bright eyes staring back up at him, and an arm stretched out in the offer of a gummy teething ring. He took it and pulled up a seat next to her, as she kicked and then squealed in delight. In a bid to keep the squealing down, Doug handed back the ring, only for it to come flying through the rails again a moment later as his daughter lobbed it right back at him, smiling innocently.   
"Oh, so you want to play, huh?" Doug whispered, picking the toy off the floor. "You're going to get me into trouble. Let's go play somewhere else where we won't wake all your friends up."   
He lifted her out of the bed, clamping one hand over her mouth when she started what seemed to be singing. They got into an elevator, headed for the only place Doug could think of that would absorb noise at this time of night, with Tess's back clamped against him and the drool covered teething ring in his spare hand. As they got to the top floor and Doug switched to the stairs, Tess borrowed his thumb in preference to the ring and Doug was thankful her first teeth weren't quite cut yet.   
  
When they reached the roof, Doug was surprised to find someone else up there.   
"Hi."  
"Hey."  
After the polite exchange of greetings, Doug realised he recognised the doctor from somewhere. He had been in the ER earlier.  
"Which one is this? Tess?"  
"Uh huh..." Doug looked a little confused.  
"I'm Luka, I work in the ER with Carol. How you doing, eh?" The last sentence was aimed at Tess, whose stomach he tickled. She smiled and wriggled, clearly in a much better mood than she had been that morning.  
"Oh, hi. You work with Carol?"  
"Yes. I hear she's not doing so good."  
"Well, you know. She's been better."  
Luka stayed silent, smiling at the baby again before checking the watch on his wrist.  
"I have to go. It was nice to meet you. Bye Tess."  
"Promise me you won't fall for a guy like that," Doug mumbled into the top of his daughter's head, taking her to the edge of the building to look across the city.  
  
It was about half an hour later when his pager went off. Tess, who had been dozing, was rudely awakened and started to grizzle. Checking the number and hoisting Tess higher up his body, Doug made a jog to the stairs, and ran carefully down them, grabbing an elevator that gaped open at just the right time. Descending to the fifth floor and running as fast as he possibly could with a baby, he crashed through the doors of the ICU and stopped by Carol's bed where two nurses and the on-call doctor blocked his view.  
"What's happened? What're her stats?"  
One of the nurses moved him backwards to one side.  
"It's okay. She's coming round. She opened her eyes about ten minutes ago and we're just extubating her and changing the IV's. If you'd like to have a seat, you can talk to her as soon as we're done. She's a little disorientated, but that's to be expected."  
Letting a huge breath out, Doug stretched to see what was going on behind all the personnel. She was awake, they said. But was she okay? During his second visit that afternoon, the doctor had said that the CAT scan showed nothing, but with coma patients you could never be sure. He saw her face for a moment as one of the nurses bent forward to reach the IV pole. Her eyes were screwed up as her left hand rubbed her forehead. She looked like she'd just woken up after a late night, not like she'd been in a coma for a day after a horrific road accident. Unable to wait any longer, Doug moved past the staff, Tess still at his side, and crouched down next to the bed.  
"Carol? Carol, it's Doug."  
"Doug?"  
"Yeah, I'm here. You're at County, someone crashed into your car. You got hurt pretty bad, but it's nothing I can't fix."  
He smiled, and she turned her head slowly and painfully to see him. The smallest smile ran across her face.  
"Don't worry about the girls, they're here too. I've got Tess with me right now."  
"Tess?"  
"Yeah, Tess. The noisy one. Kate's downstairs, she's gonna be just fine."  
"Mmm..." She was drifting off again, but this time it was sleep. Standing up, Doug kissed her gently on the forehead and took a step back, still smiling. She was going to be alright. She was going to be alright.  



End file.
